I'm still a good person, despite this slightly embarrassing and sad flaw that I carry around. Someday I will quit, but I'm just not strong enough to now, but I can quit anytime ;).
While I was reading a few different articles about celebrity moms having babies, I made the mistake of reading the comment section below. Now, ladies, why do we feel the need to bash any woman for looking the way she does after having a baby? Whether she struggles for a while to lose the weight and never quite looks the same, or whether she slims down overnight and looks flawless after baby or somewhere inbetween, WHY IS IT A COMPETITION OR SOMETHING THAT HAS TO BE JUSTIFIED TO PEOPLE COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THE SITUATION HOW THAT PROCESS WORKED FOR YOU?????
We spout that every person is beautiful and that curves are lovely, and then when we see a woman who is a little rounder and just looked like she had a baby (which she is supposed to btw right after literally having a baby because SHE JUST HAD A BABY) we get this huge surge of fear to look like her and then bash her slightly for not trying hard enough to lose the weight mentally and secretly pray and wish we don't want to look like that, but then we open our mouths and say, "oh she's so beautiful, the miracle of life, yadda yadda yadda" and get mad at people for fat shaming her when we have just done a smaller version of it ourselves in our heads.
Then we have the other side of the coin and this is what I saw specifically with the celebrity magazines: She just had a baby and she looks great. Six weeks have passed and she looks like a friggin super model again and every woman feels the need to rip her to shreds because it isn't right for her to look like that, and of course it had to be plastic surgery, "breastfeeding doesn't do that" or "she has a nanny, if she didn't have a nanny, she'd still look like the beluga whale I did at that point" etc. etc.
It's cruel folks. And I hate to see and feel the pressure we ladies do feel while pregnant and after to not gain too much weight or be afraid that we're not gaining enough. Once baby is out, what if I don't lose the weight? Will I ever fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again? Who cares! You just made a baby, you should be applauded, not criticized!
Specifically there was an article I read about Chris Hemsworth's wife, Elsa Pataky (lucky girl!). She just had twin boys, and two weeks after having them was caught on camera wearing shorts and a poofy peasant top that was perfect to cover any loose skin she may have had. It was a lovely outfit, it wasn't flashy, and she looked incredible. The first thing I thought was, "She is married to Thor and is so lucky. Those babies are going to be gorgeous like their dad and uncle. Wow, she looks great, what a great shirt to wear out during her transitional postpartum time." That's what I thought, and then I read the comments and they were terrible. They were filled with negative comments about how no woman looks that way and how dare she make other women feel bad by looking so good, it had to be fake, nobody looks that good after having a baby, let alone twins.
It's comments like that that make women feel bad. I have seen women who have children and they never look like they did before having children, but I have seen women who look like they never had a baby before and were back to pre-pregnancy weight and just happened to have a baby. And you know what? They were all beautiful because they were all different. My mother went back to her original size before pregnancy with every child and it wasn't because she cheated or because she sold her soul to the devil and got her wish to be beautiful. She just lived her life and did what she had done all her life. Ate food and took care of her family. There are many women who do that and get different results, but they owe all of us nothing for it whether they struggle with weight or not.
We need to remove the competition. Every woman has a different body. You can't compare an apple shaped body to a pear shaped body and expect the same results. Some women are tall and some are short and some inbetween. Some have short torsos and long legs, and some have long torsos and short legs, and every single body type will be different in how they manifest pregnancy, and will be different in how they manifest postpartum recovery. Genetics will play a huge role as well. Some woman will have genes that help them lose weight quickly while others will have to work for every pound they lose. Why should a woman (or man, but for the sake of postpartum discussion, woman) have to apologize for what she can't control? Why should she be made to feel bad about her body type when it is something completely out of her hands?
I spent my entire life hoping to have an athletic figure, with smaller hips, little waist, and no curve. Guess what? I went through puberty at a young age and have had hips since I was 9 years old. I have a small waist, but I have hips and will always always have hips, no matter how hard I try to make them smaller. I will never be an Audrey Hepburn, but definitely can pull off the Marilyn Monroe and I shouldn't have to apologize for that or feel bad, and those who have the Audrey shouldn't have to apologize or feel bad for having what they have.
The media does a great job in making people feel bad by doing terrible comparisons and creating an expectation of beauty totally unfair to the average woman. They do it to us, and they do it to celebrities. Why do you think there are so many eating disorders in Hollywood? Have you seen what actresses look like now compared to twenty years ago? Ten years ago?
A while ago I saw an article comparing Kim Kardashian and Duchess Catherine Middleton during their pregnancies and I was so mad when I read it because it was so unfair to them, but also so unfair to any girl reading it and seeing the pictures. They show a picture of Kim Kardashian in a dress with shoes that look too tight because her feet are swollen from being pregnant, and the dress is hugging her baby belly and the caption says, "Out of Control: Kim can't stop eating, Kanye is worried for her health". Really? Then they show a picture of Kate Middleton and say, "How Kate is staying great: Tips from Royalty on how to stay fit during pregnancy."
These pictures are put next to each other and I couldn't help but laugh. Kim Kardashian is 5' 2'' and has a short torso and a very curvaceous frame and Kate Middleton who was a model before marrying Prince William is 5'10'' and very tall and lean, with long legs and a long torso as well. Of course they are going to look different and of course they are going to have a huge disparity in how they present pregnancy!!! But this article is putting them on the same plane. Automatically any woman who reads this is going to be terrified to look like Kim, and is going to strive to do the impossible and look like Kate. It's completely obtuse and totally wrong, but the media doesn't care, and women don't always realize that is what is happening. So then, we have our friends and we see them having babies and we worry about whether we will be a Kim or a Kate and really we should just realize that we are going to be ourselves and regardless of whether we have a long torso or a short torso, we are short or tall, wide or narrow, slender, or curvaceous, we are beautiful and will be different than anyone else and that in and of itself should be even more beautiful.
I have a few friends who are pregnant and we were pregnant at the same time and we each showed our pregnancies so differently and we were each beautiful. I try really hard never to compare with other women about figures because I used to do it all of the time.
When I was in high school, I dealt with anorexia for a while. I don't share that lightly with anyone who is reading this and someday I will probably share more, but I feel it is important to talk about the dangers of comparison. I hated my figure, and I hated my curves and I starved myself daily to get rid of them and I almost did. But even at my very thinnest, I never lost my hips and I still had curves. My body was my body and it was beautiful and I never saw that. I only thought about and focused on the mean comments I received as a young girl when I started puberty earlier and gained weight. I looked chubby for a while my hormones changed my body, and before my growth spurt gave me height that evened out my frame and I was teased relentlessly about it. I was the chubby friend, the fat geek, the 292 lb. girl who was too big to jump on the trampoline with others, etc. (Yes, those were all said to me, and yes I still remember when they were said and how they made me feel.) Once I knew how to lose weight, I went crazy with it and lost as much as I could and I don't think anyone even realized the impact their words had on me. I don't write this to make anyone feel bad and I don't write it to bash, but the reality is that I was deeply affected by those comments and expectations and I learned that I had to compare myself to the thinner and more beautiful girls to feel valued and I tried hard for a very long time to be like them to feel beautiful. Not any more.
It took years of recovery and daily maintenance, and a wonderfully sweet and loving husband who thinks I am a beautiful and worthwhile queen, and a lot of lessons in learning to love myself that I learned the poisonous slope of comparison.
I used to fear the possibility of having children and even at one point swore off ever having children (during my anorexic phase) because I was afraid of what it would do to my body. I have to admit, while I was pregnant with Finch I felt more beautiful than I ever have before, and now that I have had him and I look at how beautiful he is and what an incredible miracle he is, I can't help but love my body for what it was able to do to bring this little one into my life.
My body looks different; I have stretch marks from before getting pregnant, and some from my pregnancy. My chest looks different and after I breastfeed, they will never look like they did before getting married or before getting pregnant. My hips are wider, and I wear bigger jean sizes as a result to accommodate my different proportions. My body has changed, but for the better, and it is beautiful. I look at how it has changed and I love it for what it has given me. Right after having Finch my tummy was swollen, and loose. It is tightening each day, but it isn't toned, and my stretch marks are there for anyone to see. But I am proud of my body and whether people look at me and say, "oh you have a ways to go before you look like you used to" or if they say, "you look incredible, I can't believe you just had a baby, what is your secret?" I don't care. I will not apologize for looking the way I do, and I will never apologize for having the body I do. It is the body God gave me to fulfill my mission here on Earth and was tailored and designed for me and only me. There is nobody else who has my body, and that in and of itself should be considered so beautiful.
The picture on the left was taken the day before going to the hospital to have Finch, and the picture on the right was the day after having Finch.
So ladies, whether you have children, are going to have children, or don't have them yet: Your body is beautiful, and if you take a year to lose the baby weight, or a week, or a month, six months, or if you never quite lose it all, you are beautiful.
We should be congratulating and uplifting any woman who is being herself and she should be seen as the beautiful queen she is for doing what she has done. We are all beautiful and we should never feel the pressure to compare ourselves to others when we are all different types of fruit. An apple can never be an orange, and a banana can never be a grape, but they are all delicious and all have value on their own. We are the same. Let's work together to uplift and defend women, not fearing the results of others or being so green with jealousy towards others that we tear down rather than build up. We are better than that.
Thanks for reading :)
