30 weeks down...Ten (ish) to go!!

Oy vey! It's been a very long time since I last posted on our blog and I am sorry for the immense delay! Let's just say things have been hectic the last few months and especially this last month in particular.

Ben's work has taken some hits with budget cuts and with hours changing when work isn't coming in and we weren't able to keep up with the hits and had to leave our beloved home in Teton and are now back in Rexburg. We miss our old home and still almost drive all the way back to Teton when we do our errands because it was our home for the longest of any of our homes.

We live now in downtown Rexburg (if you've ever been to Rexburg, downtown doesn't really mean that much) and are only a five minute walk from the school and Ben can walk to both of his jobs in a few minutes time and we are saving a lot of gas with our car. It's a cute little place. Definitely smaller than our last place but very cozy and cute and just what we have wanted and needed. We love it and are loving the close proximity to everything. Ben is able to come home now every day for lunch and I love that. It's a nice little moment for all of us when he comes home and we can chat for a few minutes before he is off to his second job. (Btw, both jobs are doing much better, we have been immensely blessed and I can't even begin to describe how the Lord has blessed our lives with this move!)

Now that we are settling into our new home, I felt it was time to start writing up on the blog again and to begin the 10 week countdown again to when Rosemary will come into our lives officially and permanently (as if it hasn't felt permanent yet, I can say the 8ish months I have been carrying her are official enough!). Just as I did with Mr. Finch, I will do a weekly blog about how we are doing and how I am feeling with my pregnancy. Things began to change pretty quickly with Finch around 35ish weeks and we are being cautious and preparing in case things go the same way with our little Rose and she comes sooner, so this may be a 10 week countdown, it may be less or more depending on how my health continues :)

So here goes:

I am 30.5 weeks along now and am doing pretty well. Rose has already dropped a little bit and I feel her sitting at the base of my pelvis and boy, let me tell you, I am already tired of it! I feel like I have been riding a bike and have the bruises on my tailbone and pelvic floor from being out of shape (no I haven't ridden a bike, my poor pelvis would die), and I also (sorry if this is too much info) feel like I have been kicked between the legs if I move wrong. I'm sure a lot of the women reading this post understand what I'm talking about.

30 weeks along!!

Besides that, and some scary water weight I had that took us to the doctor to make sure I wasn't getting preeclampsia early (don't worry I ended up being okay and the water weight is going away again) I am doing really well and I feel my little bird kick and move all of the time. She is very active and is all over the place. I am going to miss feeling her roll over and move my tummy, but probably not the times she headbutts my bladder and I almost wet myself in public.

My sleeping beauty. During our ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, she was asleep but her umbilical cord kept floating in front of her face!! IF you look behind the cord, you'll see a nose that looks like mine and some lips and an eye. She is just so lovely and such a sweet baby (in my tummy already). She responds when I talk to her and if she is hurting me I can ask her to stop or to move and there have been a few times that she responds and moves for me. This has been the case since week 16. 

At this point, she is about three pounds (she was almost that two weeks ago so she may be a little bigger) and the size of a large head of cauliflower. I am so excited to meet her and have gone crazy making her headbands and getting her side of the nursery ready.

As for the wonderful men in my life, Ben is very busy with work and with school. I don't know how the man does it all and still manages to be the greatest friend and husband and father I could ever ask for to me and to Finch. He is still studying special education and is now looking for ways to incorporate American Sign Language into it because he loves sign language. We have been learning some words so we can communicate with Finch and with my partial deafness in my right ear it has been so helpful for when we are in public and I can't hear when someone or when he is talking to me. It's been a huge blessing and we are excited to see what we can find to help make this a part of his career.

Look at my handsome men!!

Finch is now 10 months. Yes, I said that correctly, TEN MONTHS!!! My sweet little man is getting so big and is so mobile. He is crawling and standing on everything and is getting so so close to walking. I love it and I love seeing how he is growing and learning so quickly and what an incredible little boy he is. He is the master of escaping and is so quiet about it you have to watch because he is like a velociraptor and is always looking for the weakness in any set up for his escape. I love it and hate it all at the same time, but it has made for some hilarious and impressive stories. He loves his daddy and he loves to cuddle with me and is so curious about Zola, and loves babies. I think he will love Rosie a lot and will probably just try to love on her a little too much. We are excited for them to be best buddies though.

My little mini me in looks but Ben's mini me in personality. He is just wonderful and so happy. We can't go anywhere without someone stopping us to tell us what a beautiful child we have or what a happy boy he is. I love it, and I love him!!

This was taken during one of our quieter moments. He is so busy and all over the place but sometimes he will crawl into my arms when he is ready to sleep and just passes out. I love this more that words can describe and I love that he feels so safe in my arms.

Finally, look at that smile!! Yesterday in line for a cookie, he kept smiling at the lady in front of me and she asked me if he is always this happy and smiley. I said, pretty much from day one he has been this way and we love it. I mean, come on, look at that smile and that face!

So that's pretty much it for a recap and for week 30. My birthday is this weekend and I am sure I will recap for you all on how that went when I write my blog for week 31!

Love you all!

Sincerely,

Liz, Ben, Finch, Rosie, and Zola

The Beginning of a New Year

Happy New Year everyone! It's been a while since I last wrote, but I am happy to report that things are going very well in the Davies household these days.

After a great Thanksgiving in Utah, we were preparing for a fun and low key Christmas in Idaho and found that that's just not how it works for us. A week before Christmas, I had a gallbladdder attack (it feels like your chest is being crushed and it doesn't let up and kind of like having someone kick you in the chest while having a heart attack) and went to the ER and the next day went into surgery. Sounds fun, right?

This was taken in my hospital room while we waiting for my surgery.

I was teaching my husband and mother-in-law the joys of being Swiss and making Bratsleigh!

Three weeks later, I am doing much better. My tummy will never be on the cover of Sports Illustrated or Cosmo with my new scars (but let's face it, I have never been in a place for that to work anyway) but it's still growing nicely and my scars are almost completely healed.

Ben has started school and is busy juggling two jobs along with 13 credits. He is a busy man, but we have been very lucky to get him into three online classes so he only has two classes he has to be at school for and they are on the same day. He is now working on his education courses and is so excited about them. To see the purpose in his studies is absolutely amazing. I know that he will be an incredible special education teacher someday.

Finch is 8 1/2 months old now and is the light of our lives. He has golden strawberry blonde hair growing quickly out of his head, and is the king of army crawling all over our home. There are things I never even knew existed on our floor until I had a child that was attracted to the bad things he shouldn't be touching. I have learned the art of peripheral parenting and never letting my sight completely leave my son while still being productive. Finch can also sit up from laying down and is trying to stand up against things and is getting pretty strong. He is also signing a little with us. With my hearing impairment and with Ben's degree of Special Education, we feel that using sign language is a great tool in our home and with helping our children learn to communicate earlier. Yesterday, Finch signed "Please" twice and is getting very good at it. Also, I am learning the realities of being the possessor of the yummiest food in the house...I have found that if anything is on my plate, it is instantly more delicious than anyone else's in the building. Finch has to try anything I have on my plate and loves sharing with me whatever sauce I have in my meal. He likes pizza sauce, and he loves ranch. It's fun to see the expressions he makes when he tries new things. We have found that anything to do with cinnamon is a no no for Finch. He freaks out and won't close his mouth and just sits there helpless until we get it out of his mouth.

Finch loves his daddy and knows that daddy is "dada" and asks for dada all the time when he is gone at work or at school. Whenever Ben comes home he gets so so excited, and he is my little buddy. His new favorite song is "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by IZ and he enjoys watching me do my makeup and hair while we talk and chat in the mornings. Each day I spend with him I fall more in love with him and rejoice that I get to be the lucky lady who is his mama.

Baby Rose is 22 weeks today and she is doing very well. Her last ultrasound showed that she was super healthy and super on track with her development (yay!). She is the size of a spaghetti squash today and kicks me all of the time. She is very active and enjoys nudging my bladder, and likes to congregate on the left side of my body. Finch was on the right side so I'm guessing they are already the polar opposites of each other or else the yin to the other's yang. I guess we will see. I have found that I am already showing pretty well and I am so glad to be over halfway done with this pregnancy! My projects for her include a lot of really cute receiving blankets for her. I am finishing up a strawberry blanket that I started when I was 12-13, and I am also working on a beautiful set with poppies on them (poppies are my favorite flower) and I am so excited to wrap her up in them when she is here. My nausea is pretty much all gone since the surgery and although I am dealing with another possible uti and lots of fatigue, I am doing much much better.  I am trying to be careful, knowing that my chances of getting preeclampsia are pretty high with pregnancy number two. Today, I found out my blood pressure is starting to rise again, so we are definitely going to keep an eye on it and I will start to rest when I can even more to keep my blood pressure low most of the day (let's see how far I get with a little man to keep me busy!)

Rosemary's Strawberry blanket

20 weeks

21 weeks

22 weeks (current week)

Apart from surgeries and pregnancy, I am just enjoying being a mama. I spend my days with Finch and we play, watch Grey's Anatomy (we don't have cable, we go with what I have in my dvd collection), and learning to crawl. My hair is back to it's pre-buzz cut length and I am loving being back to the old looking but new me. I keep getting stopped at the store or on the street by really nice people who compliment it and it makes an old married mama with a baby bump feel better. Ben is wonderful to compliment me, but sometimes it's just nice to get told how nice you look when you don't feel as pretty after life has been hectic for a while by someone who doesn't know you.

This was my buzzcut after it was done, in July

This was my hair as of yesterday

Things are going so well in our home. We love our home, our ward, and after 5 years being in Rexburg, I am feeling very much at home here. We've been in our little house for seven months (the longest we've spent in any place) and we are feeling very proud of ourselves right now.

So, that's pretty much it for us here in the Davies home. I hope that everything is going well for you all and thank you so much for reading :)

Love,

Liz, Ben, Finch, Rosie, and Zola

What I'm Grateful For...

Hello All!

Seeing everyones' beautiful posts of what they were grateful for yesterday was so very sweet. Many times I wanted to post my gratitude, but I really wanted to wait for today.

For the most part I am sure our news of a baby girl joining our home is pretty well known since it's been all over Facebook and Instagram (we get around ;) ) But I wanted to share what I'm grateful for and SHE is definitely a part of what has made this Thanksgiving week so special.

First off, we have been with family this weekend and how sweet it has been. Being away from loved ones is doable, but it's not until you are reunited that you realize the hole that was there while away. Spending the weekend has been so fun, and the love and the positive energy has been wonderful. Seeing Finch play with his cousins and his aunt and uncle and grandparents has been so neat, and the love they share for him warms my heart. For any parents out there, I'm sure you can agree that seeing others love those you love so much brings a lot of happiness. Last night we digested and watched "How To Train Your Dragon 2" which I bawled the entire time. Toothless looks like my cat and I lost it anytime he was in trouble. Part pregnancy hormones, and part missing my baby kitty, I was a wreck by the end of the movie.

Then I couldn't sleep. Because we had made an appointment a month ago to see an ultrasound studio here in the Utah valley while in town for Thanksgiving. Even though our doctor is doing our regular anatomical ultrasound in two weeks, I felt a strong need to find out sooner. I would have been so happy for a boy or a girl, but for some reason, I have felt a very strong need to know about this special spirit who is in my tummy and Ben agreed to keep the appointment for my Christmas present.
Anyways, after a long night of poor sleep because of jitters, we left for the studio and got there way too early and killed time while we waited for our appointment. Poor Ben, I was like an impatient little kid and he had to put up with a lot of freaking out and over the top emotions as we prepared to go in.

Once it was time for us to go back we met our technician and boy, was he great. He told me I looked too young to have two kids (thank you very much, in Rexburg, I feel like a mature woman next to all of the baby freshmen who are fresh out of high school) and asked me what I thought we may be having. I was hoping for a girl and honestly have had strong feelings lately that we had a little girl on the way and not a little boy. After I said so he began to look. Apparently 80% of mothers are right about the gender. I guess mother really does know best. ;). We started the ultrasound and immediately there was a HUGE difference between this baby and Finch. Finch was so active and was bouncing and flipping around. She was sleeping and refusing to move. Like at all. She was stubborn. After a few minutes of trying to get her to move, he asked me to roll onto my side, and then we forced her to wake up and we saw her face. Then she refused to move again and I had to move to the other side and finally after a few more minutes she relented and began to move. At this point he was pretty sure it was a girl, but said that in his 30 years of work he never told a mother the gender until he was sure it was right. So then we tried to get a profile shot of her and a bum shot of her. It took a while and she continued to be stubborn/shy/determined to make me sweat and then I felt like I should say the name we had for a girl. I said, "Come on Rosie," and she finally listened and spread her legs for us to see. There was a definite lack of manly parts, and then we got the profile shot he needed to confirm it. Then she showed off her hands for us (long fingers, great for piano playing!) and began to squirm. I was amazed that she responded. I said her name a few more times and she was so much more responsive. Really cute, right?

It's a little blurry, but it says, "It's A Girl!"

So after getting twice the amount of pictures we paid for, and almost crying in the office because I was so happy, we left the studio with an envelope filled with pictures of our sweet baby girl. (Oh just to do a shout out, if you are ever wanting to get an elective ultrasound, I really recommend the "Fetal Studio" in the Southtowne Mall in Sandy, UT. Seriously, we had the best experience there and our technician was so great.).

We are so excited and even though pretty much everyone in our family was convinced it was a girl, everyone was so happy.

We are naming her Rosemary and we call her "Baby Rose". For those who wonder why we have picked this name here is the reason:

When I was little I had a mouse doll that I named "Rosemary" because I thought it was the most beautiful name I could imagine as 7 year old. I lost Rosemary a lot and would pray a lot to find her. Every single time I lost Rosemary I would say a prayer and Heavenly Father would tell me what to do or where to find her. I found her every time and I still have Rosemary in our nursery. Everytime I see her I remember that Heavenly Father loved me so much that He helped me find a stuffed mouse doll time after time after time. She may have just been a toy, but she was a way for me to grow closer to Him, and I learned to trust in Him, and that He would always listen to and answer my prayers. I can't think of a more beautiful reason to name my child something like "Rosemary" than that. This baby has been another miracle baby for us and she is so loved already. We feel so grateful and so blessed to have her as a part of our family and I can't wait to meet her. I have been feeling her kicks for a little while now and having her quiet nudges of love help me a lot.

So here's to Rosemary and the joy she has brought to us this year.

I am thankful for my son as well. This year has brought so many blessings and everyday when I look at Finch I see the joy of life and the reason I am who I am. Finch came into our lives after a heartbreaking miscarriage and was the dream we worried we'd never have. He made me the mom I am and the woman I am becoming and from the moment I held him in my arms, I knew, I would never feel more complete than in being his mother.

I am thankful for my husband, Ben. He is my bestest best friend and the love of my life. I never knew such a companionship was possible and everyday I fall more and more in love with him. He has taught me selflessness, to dream, and to love myself. He brings love to all he does, and I have never been so completely whole as I am when I am with him. Eternity doesn't seem long enough when I think of my sweet sweet love.

I am thankful for my cat and the companionship she brings to me. She is so sweet and attentive and has been so healing after so much. She truly is an answer to prayers and the greatest furry friend I know.

I am thankful for my family and friends. The support and the love I feel from you all lifts me up and I am so grateful for the memories I have made and continue to make with you all. I think of eternal families and know that God truly wants His children to be happy and I rejoice in the blessings of eternal families and marriages.

I am lastly but most importantly grateful for the gospel, and for my Savior, Jesus Christ and for the peace it brings in my life. I finished reading about Christ's life the other day in my scripture study and it was so perfect before Thanksgiving to be able to realize and appreciate even more His life and atonement for me and the bonds of physical and spiritual death He has broken so I can return to God's presence someday. I am who I am because of this gospel and I am so grateful to know I am a daughter of God.

I hope your holidays have been wonderful and that as we approach this Christmas season you feel the love that is out there. I am grateful for you all and I look forward to what this year and next year brings. Thanks for reading.

Love,

Liz, Ben, Finch, Rose, and Zola :)

For those of you who have worried about us lately :)

Good Evening, Friends and Family!

I just wanted to thank all of you who have kept me, and my family in your prayers, well wishes, and positive thoughts. We have felt them a lot and appreciate it so much. (Please keep them coming!)

I wanted to apologize for any concern that my post may have caused to anyone who did not see my comment about my bladder infection. I tried to not be too vague in my initial post (because I knew I would start crying from hormones, fatigue, and discomfort and say a whole lot that people just don't want to read) but realized soon after that it was the right kind of post to cause concern. For those who have reached out to me or my family in concern, thank you for loving me enough to ask, and again, I am so sorry for anyone who was afraid something had happened to me, my family, or our unborn baby.

So just to clear things up, I just want to explain what has been going on the past few weeks.

I don't like to blog to complain, and I hope that this does not come off showing such a sentiment.

First off, Baby Bird #2 is doing really really well. He/She has a very strong heartbeat and is the size of a peach and is already so loved and appreciated in our home. Going to the temple on our date night, I felt our little spirit very closely and it was so nice especially after the roller coaster I have been on with this pregnancy and I'm only at the beginning of my second trimester.

I thought that my pregnancy with Finch was difficult and it definitely was, but already, this one is proving to be probably the hardest trial I have faced, (baby is not the trial, my sick pregnant body is) and it takes a lot of encouragement from the Lord, my sweet husband, my little boy, and family and friends to get through the tough times.

I got a cold last month and just when I was over that, I got terrible sciatica to the point that I was on my hands and knees for 45 minutes waiting for Ben to get home. It took a few days for it to cool off and be uncomfortable but manageable. Then after that I started in with my major nausea that I had with Finch and now with this baby. It's terrible trying to eat when all I want to do is go into a coma for the next few months until I feel better. Then (Doesn't this sound like a soap opera? I feel like "General Hospital"/"Days of Our Lives") I got my bladder infection and that has been a lot to handle for the past week and a half.

First my antibiotic didn't work so I was prescribed a second one whilst still feeling sick. Then I got a major allergic reaction to the second antibiotic and woke up with hives, itching, and trouble breathing. Tonight I start my third antibiotic and I am hoping with all of my heart that it will be what I need to get over this hump and move on with my life.

We have been exceedingly blessed though. I have a great doctor who is so patient with me and has been trying all he can to get me better, and I feel very safe in his care. I have a very well behaved child (it's a little scary how well behaved he is) who lets me rest and just likes to play quietly beside me while I rest or snuggle (it's my favorite) and then, I have my incredible husband who does so so much to keep me happy, helps me to feel loved and comfortable, and who serves me every moment of everyday, and last but not least, I have a sweet little baby I can't wait to meet who I know is worth every day of pain, sickness, fatigue, and nausea. I love him/her already so so much.

I may be going through a very hard time but I have so much to be grateful for too and I just wanted to give a picture of what I'm dealing with so those who are worried may know that I may be miserable but very very okay. My family is safe, and we still have a little baby on the way.

Thank you so much for reading, for your love, encouragement and prayers in my and in my family's behalf. We appreciate it and feel it every day.

God bless :)

Love,

Liz Davies

Mr. Finch

With all of the excitement concerning baby bird #2, I forgot to give an update on my growing little man, Finch!! A couple of weekends ago, my little Finch, my best little buddy and partner in crime became a six month old baby boy.

Eek! Did I really just say six months??? I mean, wasn't it yesterday that I was throwing up and dying during my pregnancy for him? Wasn't it just a few hours ago that I held him for the first time, and maybe twenty minutes ago when we took him home for the first time?

This totally just happened, didn't it??

It feels like that and even the many nights we have spent waking up and feeding/diapering him and the many hours of loving service we have shared with him seem like they have just barely happened. I'm not ready for my sweet little man to become a little boy so soon. But, alas, as all children do, they ignore their mommies and grow up anyway.

So in commemoration of his six months, I want to share the fun and wonderful quirks of my sweet little boy.

1. Finch is the happiest kid (and probably person) I know. He always greets me with a smile, and always smiles at anyone (especially, women, the little flirt!) around him. Until you take him away from me and then he stops smiling and starts crying and squealing instead.

2. Finch is very sensitive and intuitive. Whenever anyone is sad or crying he immediately hones in on them and tries to touch them to see if they are okay. He loves to look at other babies and gets so concerned if one is having a hard time. It's pretty much the sweetest thing ever.

3. Finch is so so curious. He is always looking around at everything and observes as much as he can around him. Now that he rolls and scoots, he is grabbing onto things I don't even realize are there and tries to eat them. It freaks me out. When he starts to crawl or walk I am in big big trouble. This kid is going to give me real grey hairs.

Finch, eating leaves....

4. Finch loves water! Giving him a bath gets wetter and wetter for me because he has learned how to scoot to the bottom of his bath chair and then slam his feet into the water so a huge splash goes everywhere. He thinks it the greatest thing since sliced bread and does it over and over until I finally take him out of the water because a) I am soaked through, b) I am afraid he'll suddenly propel himself into the water like the water baby he is, and c) most of the water is out of the tub anyway.

5. Finch loves to sing. I am the assistant ward choir director for our church and Finch loves to sing along with the choir. He squeals and babbles along and has the biggest smile. He loves it when I sing to him, and is so responsive to music. IZ's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" is his favorite song and he stops everything he is doing to listen to it. He loves primary songs and "I'm trying to be like Jesus" seems to be his favorite one at the moment.

6. He loves phones. He always wants mine so my mom mailed me an old phone I used in high school and Finch tries to eat it. Whenever he hears familiar voices on the phone (especially his daddy's) he gets so so excited.

7. Finch loves his Daddy. Ben is seriously his best friend and they have so much fun together. They speak the same language and I love to see the friendship those two have.

8. Finch is a "Mama's Boy" and I love it. I enjoy it as much as I can now because I know eventually I will have to let go so he doesn't end up living in my basement when he's 35 taking care of all of my cats. But for now, it's totally fine and okay for him to be my little shadow and to want to snuggle with me and to be held by me whenever it is possible.

9. Finch loves bedtime stories. Reading a story before bedtime is a huge tradition in my family and we have a library of childrens' stories in our house for him. (Go to thrift stores, we got ours for like .25-.50 cents each.) He especially loves, "Where the Wild Things Are", "The Gruffalo", "Georgie the Ghost", "There's a Nightmare In My Closet", and "Alligator Pie". "Alligator Pie" is the funnest one to read as a parent.

10. Finch loves to eat his hands, and toes, and enjoys applesauce. He hates squash, and tried carrots last night and survived. Sometimes when I am naughty I will dip his pacifier in my ice cream and he loves it. Sorry but I'm not sorry. If you see Finch, you'll see that he loves food. He's 18 pounds now and we couldn't be prouder, especially since he had a hard time gaining weight for the first couple of months of his life.

11. If you are ever having a hard day, come see us. Finch will love you until you feel better. I have never felt such a pure and Christlike love like the love Finch has. He is so forgiving, so tender, and so kind. He lights up any room, and when I am having a hard day and don't feel well or I feel like being pregnant is too hard to handle, we snuggle and he helps me to find hope again.

12. He is dramatic. Finch definitely got my flair for being an awesome person until we are freaked out, upset, or unhappy. We get dramatic. We crack up whenever he gets upset because it is very unique and creative and I don't look forward to the temper tantrums we'll have in the grocery store. I guarantee he will reenact a Shakespearean soliloquy and then fall "dead" because he hasn't gotten the cheerios he needs to live. You think I'm being dramatic, but I have found one to take the cake and his name is Finch. We love it though, and I guarantee we will have many years of laughing, crying, sighing, and blushing faces. I can't wait :)

I dub thee, "Sassy Finch"

13. He is a chatterbox. He talks and talks and talks. I love it. He has so much to say and so much to share and I know that he will have so many incredible things to share when he can express his ideas and share his world with me. I love seeing the emotion he has even now when he tries to talk with us, and I look forward to all he will say when he can.

14. He likes monkeys. If you ever want to get him something he likes, he is a monkey man. Oh, and he likes blankets. He likes them all over his face. It freaks me out a lot, but apparently his father is the same way so I guess I'm off the hook, kind of but not really.

15. Finch is super ticklish and has the greatest laugh. It is enough to make you happy and smile even if you have made a contract with the devil to never smile again for a million bucks. You'll smile. We always do :)

So there you go, that's a glimpse into the fun life we share with this magical little person. We love you, Finch, and can't wait for all of the adventures we will share with you. Thank you for making me your Mama, I couldn't imagine a better way to spend my days :)

The Business of Being Born Revisited

So I know that this may a slightly controversial subject for women but I feel like I need to share my experience with watching "The Business of Being Born" after having had a baby. As a disclaimer, I respect both doctors and midwives and am PRO Mothers being able to make their choices in a birthing situation and whether that leads you to a home birth, or a hospital birth I am on your side. Please understand that this is my opinion based off of my experiences and nothing else.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Finch I got this major high of thinking that I was this incredible and fantastic being creating life (Which I was, it's a wonderful thing), but I also felt invincible and started in on my research. Suddenly I wanted to know about every option I had and I wanted to make sure that I was in control of the situation and that my voice was heard above all else as the mother of my child, of course, I knew what was right for both of us. And I know that part of that is the perfect transition a mother takes from being just a woman to suddenly a mother to this tiny, defenseless baby that needs you for absolutely everything. You are given instincts and feelings that help you to know when something is right or wrong.

In my research I found, "The Business of Being Born" which is an incredible documentary that discusses the history of midwifery, and discusses the changes of the maternal healthcare throughout the century in America. I lapped it up and totally sucked it in and even made my poor husband watch it (he wasn't a fan of the actual childbirths, but who is, really). We discussed our feelings about wanting to be heard, wanting to have a voice in the decision making, and the importance of having someone who would respect that. We scheduled a meeting with the local birthing center ran by midwives. I was so excited and once we got there found that they were immediately skeptical that I even knew what I was talking about, that I was as far along as I said (I wasn't very big with my bump, so sue me), and I never felt like they appreciated or understood what I said. I know that I was being evaluated just as much as I was evaluating them, but there was an uneasiness when I left. I am not saying that every midwife is like that and I respect the profession so much. I love that they empower women and that they provide an alternative option for mothers who want a different birthing experience from the hospital.

I was still seriously considering the midwives when we saw our doctor at the office for our first meeting after moving back to Rexburg. It was such a different experience. He listened to my concerns, reviewed my history and immediately encouraged me in what I was doing. I never once felt like he was skeptical of my knowledge or understanding or my ability to know what was right for me or my baby.

Then I left so happy to try to figure out what we wanted. I had watched "The Business of Being Born" a few times by this point and knew it pretty well. I was discussing it with my mother and she felt concerned and wanted to talk to me about it. She shared her experiences in more detail of her deliveries and the troubles she had during her pregnancies. It was hard getting pregnant and the pregnancies were very hard on her body. She told me of some of the complications she had had with me, and also with Daniel and then she told me that she knew that many women could do home births and that they were wonderful, but that for her and her experiences, she felt she had been blessed with doctors who were there when things went bad for her and us as her babies and that she felt things would have gone very differently had she not been with those doctors. She then counseled me to step back and pray about it and to see how I felt.

I am very similar to my mother in many ways, not only in our interests, but our health issues almost always mirror each other and I realized that it could be the same in pregnancy. I knew some things were different with my pregnancy than from hers but not by much and I found that I felt more and more drawn to the doctor and that I felt that perhaps something was going to happen and the more I decided to go with the doctor the more I felt I needed to be with a doctor.

For those who have read my blog entries about my pregnancy know that midway through my second trimester (a few weeks after deciding to go with a doctor) things began to change. I started getting UTI's frequently and they began to trigger early contractions. My blood pressure began to change going from being very low to pre-hypertensive, to finally so high in my third trimester that I was put on bedrest and began to spill proteins and was diagnosed with Preeclampsia. I know that midwives check for those things, but it wasn't until after my delivery that I looked back and realized that our doctor had been a part of our journey for a reason and that we were led to him so that we would have the care we needed.

In my delivery I had to be on my back because my blood pressure was normal if I was on my back and then sky high the moment I sat up. I was in back labor and boy did that suck. My doctor had read and reviewed my birth plan with me in the office and had made sure we followed it. The nurses read it and were very supportive. I wanted to go as long as I could without an epidural and I wanted to be the one to request it not them suggesting it and they followed all of that. I had my water broken to start labor (I had to be induced for my preeclampsia), and then after nothing, I was put on Pitocin and was on it for the rest of the delivery. I was at the point that my contraction were very close together and I was starting to feel uncomfortable that I requested an epidural. Five hours after that, it finally came and I found out that my body was not responding to the contractions and that my cervix wasn't opening. My doctor told me the chances of c-section were higher at this point because my body wasn't responding in a way to allow for labor to commence but that he wasn't done trying to help me have a baby without it and that he didn't want to do that unless it was the last option. He fought to make sure I could have a baby normally. He never pushed it on me to have an epidural, he never told me I was endangering my baby or that I wasn't capable of doing it. He said that we were doing well and that we would keep trying to get it to work. After the epidural and being in labor for five hours at a 10 on the pain scale (even though I had been in labor for 15 or more hours at this point, I was the one rushing them not the other way around) I can say I experienced what natural non-intervention pain wise labor felt like and I can say I don't feel like I owe it to any woman to explain myself as to why I did an epidural. After my epidural my cervix suddenly dilated from a 3-4 to a 10 in two hours. My body had blocked the progress because of the pain and I wasn't progressing until I had a break from the pain. I will never do that to my body again and learned that while some womens' bodies respond to the pain and they are able to work through it, my body could not. Then we found that Finch even at 6 pounds and 15 ounces was too big for my pelvic space and that he was stuck. Luckily with the help of a vaccuum and three hours of pushing we were able to get him out but I still tore and had an episiotomy.

The nurses were so kind and respectful and my doctor was so supportive of my decisions. I felt that I had exactly the right birth for me and for Finch and I feel like I grew and transformed. I never felt like my experience was robbed by modern medicine or that I was manipulated by my medical staff into being sped through the process of having a baby. My doctor even came back to the hospital at 3:30 am to help me deliver the baby rather than suggest a c-section. He was a godsend and an answer to our prayers and the prayers of friends and families.

Now after that huge rant, l I just want to say that I have had very mixed feelings after watching "The Business of Being Born" again. I found that it was very one sided and was very negative towards doctors. I know and have met plenty of doctors who were jerks and those who could care less how I felt about my body, but I know that my doctor was not that way with me with my maternity care and delivery. The nurses did not push me in any way to do anything I didn't want and considering my preeclampsia and the size of my pelvis I am so glad that I felt prompted by the spirit to go with my doctor instead of finding out later that I wasn't going to be able to have a baby in the birthing center with a midwife who already wasn't taking me seriously or to be rushed to the hospital to be with a doctor completely unfamiliar with my history and to probably end up having a c-section because Finch was too big. We were so blessed and I watch this documentary now and feel like it skips over the benefits and the positives of modern maternal healthcare. It talks about the experience of a medicated birth being impersonal and that it is harder for mother to bond with baby after and I found that to be completely untrue. I never felt so connected to a being as I did when I held Finch for the first time in my arms and even though I was filled with Pitocin my Oxytocin was just fine and so were we. I know that my case was a special case and I was a high risk woman, but that shouldn't discount me from having an opinion either.

So like I said, this was my opinion based on my experiences and my experiences alone. I had many friends tell me how beautiful their home birthing or midwifery experience was and that it was transforming for them and I love their stories and fully support their desire to do it again. I know that I have friends who could not respond to epidurals and had to deal with the pains of labor no matter what, and I know that I have friends who had to have c-sections regardless of their preparations for a regular birth.

I strongly encourage any of my friends who are pregnant to watch this documentary because I learned a lot, but I also want to say that it's important to research the other side of it too. Shop for doctors until you find the right one and don't disregard their advice. Not every doctor is out to get you for a paycheck and to ignore your wishes and push you in and out of the hospital but also, not every midwife is going to be the lady of your dreams who respects your feelings or wishes either. Please listen to the spirit or your gut, or the universe if that is what you do and trust in your instincts. I know that I am grateful that I didn't disregard them and that I decided to go with my doctor because it changed my life and I have this beautiful son who is healthy and I was healthy and taken care of.

Now that I am pregnant again, I know that I wouldn't be accepted by a midwife because my chances of preeclampsia are so high and that I wouldn't be able to wait until the end of 40-41 weeks because my baby may be too big to deliver (especially since big babies run in my husband's family) for my pelvis and I know that I am okay with that. We have the same doctor and already he has been so supportive of our decisions and is familiar with our care and history. These are the cards I have been dealt and I will use them the best I can.

I feel at peace with that and I know for me that is right. Just remember that there are pluses and minuses for each method of having a baby and for those who felt that they were robbed of having the birth they wanted I encourage you to find a way to fix that and I hope you find the people to help make your dreams come true whether a doctor, midwife, midwife with doula, or any other professions I have missed. I know that I did, and even though I was induced and had pitocin and an episiotomy, I felt so close to my baby when he was born and the joy I felt in holding him was worth all  of the issues and the struggles and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Follow your hearts and trust that you'll find those who will be there to help.

Childbirth changes you and while it can be so painful and awkward, it was beautiful and I look back and see the beauty of it all (probably because I refused to see what was going on with a mirror, I joke, but not really) and I just hope we support each other as mamas and not push that one side is better or worse but rather just support and love and celebrate this together.

Sincerely, Liz

Surprise!

Hello friends and family :)

Ben and I are so happy and excited to announce that we will have a baby bird joining us May 2015 :)

I have been so worried as to why I've been so sick lately and when we found out what has been causing the fatigue, headaches, and nausea we were very surprised and very thrilled. Because I was having some bleeding when we found out we decided to wait to share our news until we knew everything was okay and though I am being careful, things are going wonderfully, the spotting stopped a couple of weeks ago and I am very sick but grateful for this little one. (Sorry to any friends we hedged on the truth with, we just wanted to be careful considering our past history).

Now I know a lot of you will wonder if this was a surprise or planned and all I will say on the subject is that that is between Ben and I and the Lord. We are thrilled for this little one and even though he or she is coming sooner than we expected we wouldn't have it any other way. Considering my health history and how hard it was to get pregnant with Finch, I will gladly have my babies when they decide to come before I can't anymore.

We are so excited to have the same doctor we had with Finch and feel that we are being so blessed and watched over with what we need.

I am realizing how the Lord has placed angels in my life to help me through this time. Ben is so kind, so selfless and so good to me. I couldn't have asked for a more attentive and considerate husband who does so much to not only help me but to help Finch and to make up the difference of what I can't when I am so sick. Finch is such a sweet little soul who makes my days brighter. When I am sick and can hardly move it can be hard when it is just us at home and Ben is at work, but even then, Finch just snuggles in with me to comfort me when I am in need of little loves. Even my sweet Zola follows me around and is my constant little shadow. Let's just say I am surrounded by love and that makes all of the difference for me with all that is happening.

We found out that my chances of getting preecclampsia are very likely and that we will also have to keep an eye on baby's size because my pelvic space isn't big enough for babies over 7 pounds but we feel confident that the Lord will bless us and our little one with what is needed and that our doctor will continue to take great care of us.

We appreciate your love and support and prayers at this time. If I seem out of it or MIA, I apologize and hope to be more exciting and active once the second semester starts!

Love,

Liz, Ben, Finch, Zola, and Baby Bird #2 :)

*Photos courtesy of Amber Cardinet Photography