After a year of debating whether or not I wanted to start a blog, I finally decided it was time to do it (forgive me for the bumps on the way, I'm sure there will be many!).
It's been a crazy busy but wonderfully happy few months for Ben and I since we moved to Northern California for a little while. It's been Ben's off track with classes at BYU-Idaho and we've been staying with family and deciding whether or not California was the place for us or not while we have had some soul searching about careers.
Turns out, we love the weather and being closer to family on both sides, but the Lord has had other plans for us, and our new beginnings are once again, just beginning, hence the title of this post.
It's been a dream of ours since we got married to start a family. I have always loved children, and Ben and I have longed to have the pitter patter of little feet in our home. While we love our cat (I can guarantee she will be a frequent flier in these posts since she is my sweet companion all the time), we have long felt the desire for less hairy and far more time consuming additions to our home.
It hasn't been an easy road for us to start a family. I have long dealt with health problems that have concerned me about whether babies would be in our future or not, and there have been many teary nights, and fervent prayers in the behalf of starting our family (but I'm sure I may post more in depth on such issues at another time).
When we decided to move, I had just quit a stressful and difficult job, and had just finished my internship for my Medical Assisting program and we had been trying for almost a year for a family. I was tired, I was worn out, and I was at the point that I couldn't handle the frustration of another month of hoping for a baby and not getting what I wanted (for those who know me, patience is not my favorite virtue). I decided I just needed to disconnect myself for a little while from the baby world and find some inner peace.
Then we moved, and we started to settle in to our lives in California with Ben working, and I trying to find some sanity again after some very high strung months of study, work, and school. For the first few days, I felt so tired I could sit down anywhere (and I mean anywhere) and fall asleep within seconds. I thought this was pretty normal for me and didn't think too much of it considering what I had just left behind with the move. Then it got to the point where showering and getting out of bed felt like a marathon. Not normal. Especially after my medical training I was seeing red flags and wanting to know what could be going on. Was I that stressed? Did I have Mono? Was my thyroid having issues like my mom's had when I was younger? I just didn't know. Then I started having problems with being able to eat. My stomach would hurt after every meal, and I could hardly move some nights because it was so painful. My appetite began to cut back, and I again, began to worry.
I have a mild gluten allergy that I am sad to say, I don't take very good care of, and yes, I know, that can be a problem. I began to cut out ANYTHING that had gluten and still I was feeling so ill I could hardly function. What I thought had only been a week turned out to have been a month to two months of agony, and Ben and I began to really worry.
Then, I started to crave lots of meat, all the time, and almost gag at the thought of any vegetable. For those again, who know me really well, this is when pigs start to fly and when Hell begins to freeze over because I am the last girl in the world who goes to a restaurant and asks for chicken or a steak with potatoes over a salad, I've just never been a huge carnivore and have always straddled the line of vegetarian. Darn that sushi and bacon. With those gone, I would probably have been a vegetarian years ago.
That's when Ben suggested I take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to because I didn't want to deal with another negative sign. I hate urine tests, and I hate pee sticks. I just didn't think it was possible, and with my health issues, being a month or two late wasn't a big deal. But, to appease my worried hubby, I took the test, misread it, and then took the second one before I really realized both were positive.
*Heavens opening, choirs of angels singing, flash mob dancing in Disney character attire*
This was fantastic. And still is. I'm 15 and a half weeks along now, am in my second trimester and can hardly believe the love and the joy I feel being able to finally be the mama I have dreamed of being since I held my first babydoll. I have thrown up I don't know how many times, and I have lost a lot of weight from not being able to eat very much without throwing it up (doctors tell me I'm still fine and baby is great). I still have days where showering feels like someone is trying to make me run a 5k while drugged I am that tired, and I pee so often I should just put a TV in the bathroom (just kidding, but mommies reading this know what I'm talking about!).
My baby is the size of an apple, and soon I will feel kicks. It has been so surreal, and so incredibly wonderful.
Seeing our baby in the ultrasound jumping around and dancing for us at 12 weeks was breath taking and Ben and I fall more and more in love with our lovebug each and everyday.
Now, for the other plans apart from parenthood the Lord has brought to our attention: We are moving back to Rexburg, ID. In two weeks. On Thanksgiving. Instead of sitting around a table eating turkey and pie and talking about what we are grateful for, we will be driving across the barren wasteland of rural Nevada, being grateful for loving parents and siblings who are willing to help us move. We have been so blessed to have so much love and support from them, and we are so grateful for their willingness to help us out in such a meaningful way.
Our hearts are so full of gratitude to Our Father in Heaven at this time. It has been a struggle with work, finding jobs, saving money, health issues, having a baby, and all that comes with life, these past few months, but the Lord has truly carried us through each situation. Each night, I marvel at the will of the Lord and how perfectly His plan fits into our lives more than anything we could ever come up with for ourselves. I am surrounded by love, by goodness, and by miracles, and it is at this time of year that I can look back on an entire year filled with them.
I just have to bear testimony of the blessings that come when you trust in the Lord and allow Him to guide you in life. Sure, it would have been nice to have a life plan laid out for me to see, but the Lord knows that I need to learn patience to truly be happy, and I definitely am learning patience, faith, and trust in His plans for me, my wonderful husband, and a beautiful apple sized baby. All is well in a world filled with chaos when you have the Lord on your side, and all is well for us.
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