Why I decided to shave my head

Okay, I feel like it is probably for the best that I address why I shaved my head now because my mom keeps getting concerned calls (I appreciate the love and concern and am happy to know that so many care enough to call), and I know I didn't really forewarn too many people so I am getting what I deserve for that lol. Also, I do want to thank everyone who has told me how great I look. It's pretty scary shaving one's head and if I have ever needed validation for something I have done, it is now!

So, here goes: I did not shave my head because I am sick. I am actually in very good health right now and even though I am tired all of the time that is just because I have a cute little man who likes to keep me busy! I did not shave my head because I am dealing with a crisis in life, or depressed, or losing my mind (although I do think it would be funny to dress up like Brittney Spears for Halloween now...sorry, too much? But I digress). I am actually the happiest I have been in a long time. I am married to an incredible and kind man who is my best friend, I have a beautiful son who I fall more and more in love with each day, and we try to live our days the best we can with love in our hearts and seeking to grow. I am happy and did not shave my head as a cry for help. Also, I wish I had known someone who could have used the support of my shaving my hair off (not that I wish someone had cancer to do that to, please understand I don't mean it like that) but if I had or ever have a friend who needs that support I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

I shaved my head because I have started a self discovery project. In the midst of dealing with such things as an eating disorder in high school, the hubub of growing into a new more independent person in college, getting married, dealing with an early miscarriage early on in marriage, having a very negative experience at a workplace, graduating, and phew having a baby, I feel that I have lost myself a little and I want to find myself again. When so many things happen in a ten year period (if you include high school) and most of the stuff happening in the last two years, you just go with the flow and try to get through it all. I have survived and am so much stronger for it, but I still find myself saying mean things about how I look and disliking the changes of my body and resenting that I have the body I have. Not cool and not okay. I know part of it is dealing with the emotional and mental components of an eating disorder which I will probably have to monitor and keep in check for the rest of my life, but I don't want my children to pick up those habits and I don't want to spend the rest of my life saying kind things to others and building them up and then going right back home and abusing myself with unkind words and tearing down my confidence.

Not only does it hurt me, but it hurts my husband and son who see me and love me for the beautiful woman I am. It hurts Heavenly Father too because I know that He sees me as a beautiful and worthwhile daughter with so much more potential than I ever allow for myself. When I am constantly fixating on my weight and my flaws all it does is distract me from the more important and happy things in life and hold me back from reaching my potential. And I want to find that potential. Part of that was finally going through with a little dream I have had for a while in shaving all of my hair off and realizing that I am beautiful without the hair and that who I am and what my body looks like without my security blankets is beautiful and wonderful and worthwhile.

I want to feel the confidence I exude to others and see myself for the beautiful woman I know I am but don't always feel. That is why I shaved my head. To feel a change and a new beginning as I learn to love myself a little (a lot) more. I may or may not share my experiences as I work to learn to love myself more, but I am journaling my experiences and am already finding that my scripture study is more meaningful. I look in the mirror with more confidence, and I see that even though I feel and look so different that my husband and son only see me for me and love me all the same. If any of you who read this would like to join in with finding more confidence and appreciating your beauty inside and out more, let me know, I'd love to share what helps me and encourage you in your journeys too.

It was so scary getting rid of my security blanket of hair and I still miss it and I have definitely cried at what made me cut my hair, but I am also finding that I look in the mirror and am liking what I see and I am learning to accept this and make it a wonderful positive more and more.

Thank you for reading and thank you again for your support. Please let me know if you'd like to hear more about my project, I'd be happy to share, and if you need/want support I am always happy to give it!

Love,

Liz

Has it seriously been 3 months????

Hello All!

I am so sorry that it's been so long since I last posted on the blog! It has been a C-razy month and a half and our internet was going so slow at the other place that it was harder to post anything let alone a blog post.

So since June a lot has happened! We moved to our new little house and we absolutely love it. It is roomy and it is adorable and it feels like home in so many ways which we've been looking for for a while. We have a yard, and neighbors, and we love our ward. We miss our old ward, but we meet in the same building and see them all of the time which is wonderful. Since joining the new ward we have been and felt so incredibly welcomed by them. We have had so many people come up and introduce themselves, and we even got to go to a ward party yesterday evening and we loved it. It was pretty hard to be so sick when I was pregnant because I felt like it was a huge success when I could even go to church and go to the first meeting and it was hard to get to know people when I was constantly in and out. Now that things have settled down it is so nice to feel a sense of community again. And we definitely feel community in Teton.

Teton, ID, is a small little town (literally little, it's basically a couple of miles long and along the highway and has about 760 people total in the town!) about ten to fifteen miles outside of Rexburg. We found out about it when our friends lived here and when we were looking for a new apartment we found the beautiful loft one in Teton, and then we found this house we are in now in Teton as well. Since moving into Teton, we have fell in love with it. It is so quiet and friendly, and we are so glad we were led here.

Ben was able to get a second job and although I don't get to see him as often as I'd like (which is all the time, so I guess I had to have a dose of reality) we are thrilled to have found it. He is also getting very close to being done with school for Spring semester and won't be back in school until January. This will be awesome because now we can get into a rhythm with work and family life without homework assignments being included :) He is thriving at being a dad and Finch loves his big buddy. They play all of the time and even though Finch doesn't get to see his daddy as much during the week, they enjoy their 3 am feedings and weekends together :)

Finch is three months now. Yes, I did say three months. Where did the time go? I have no idea. I can't believe as I look at my little boy who can hold his head up when we hold him and sit in his bumbo like the big boy he is, or who is downing lots of milk so fast that he is basically doubling in size every other week, how much time has flown by. As much as I miss my little 6 pound baby, I love seeing him grow. I love hearing his almost laugh, and seeing the gummy grin that has won my heart. Whenever I think of that baby commercial that said, "Who knew the love of my life would be a chubby and bald?" I think of my beautiful little boy. I love him so much. Ben loves him so much. We are just enthralled with this spiritual giant who has graced us with his loving presence. He is so funny, and so sweet, and I can't imagine a happier existence than with him being a part of our home. I keep learning new things about him like: he clenches his fists and curls his toes when he eats, he only gets angry and cries when he is hungry and he goes from not hungry to ravenous starved Donner party member in about ten seconds, he loves when we sing to him, and he won't go to sleep without us reading, "Where the Wild Things Are" first. When he gets sad, he sticks out his lower lip, and puckers it just enough to look so sad and so adorable. Poor thing, he tries to make me feel bad and I do, but I have to laugh at his cuteness too. The first thing he does when he sees me is smile, and he squeals and sounds like a dying rabbit when he is mad. He is so unique and so wonderful and I love every minute I get to spend with him!!

Here is the progression of 0-3 months!

My sweet and silly little boy! :)

Working his sad face magic on his Mama. I am such a sucker for his expressions...

As for me, I am currently getting over a double infection that left me in bed most of the week, and I am trying to figure out how to unpack and organize everything. I am also getting into crocheting more. I need a creative outlet when Finch is sleeping besides Grey's Anatomy and Master Chef and I am really enjoying being able to create and see my skills coming together. I am also below my pre-pregnant weight and I am trying to keep it that way. I found within six weeks of Finch being born that my milk supply was drying up, and I have been transitioning to life without a breast pump, nursing pads, or a baby needing only me. It's been about 7 weeks since that started and I think we have a good rhythm now. Also, I feel that how I feed my son is a personal decision and I chose to stop breastfeeding when my body wasn't able to feed him what he needed (and by what he needed I mean that I went from producing 4 ounces a sitting to less than two and then to less than one when he was needing four ounces every 2 hours in just over a week) and when it was making me a sick and an unhappy mother, and since we have switched to formula he has thrived and so have I. I don't know why that happened, but I guess there is a genetic pattern of it in my family so at least I got to breastfeed him while I could :)

That is life for us right now. We are loving life and although it isn't easy and is always teaching me new things, I wouldn't change a thing. It is wonderful being a mother, and as Ben and I approach our two year anniversary next month, I can't help but marvel at the sweetness my life has had since marrying my eternal sweetheart :)

I promise to write more often now that things are coming together and are more regular.

Have a lovely Sabbath!

Love,

Liz, Ben, Finch, and Zola

Our June So Far

I know it's been a while. And we have been very busy as of late, (Babies can do that to you ;) ). We are in the midst of getting ready to move (again) but this time to a house with three bedrooms. We are super excited because it will be a place we can grow with rather than outgrow super quickly which Ben and I managed to do with our current one bedroom apartment. We love our current place. It is beautiful, we love our ward, and it is so unique and filled with creative energy. But, alas, we must go and by go, I mean move down the street (so we're not going too far lol). We're pretty excited. With the new place having three bedrooms, we can make one an office or studio for Ben and I to use while the other is using the front room, and we will have a nursery for Finch, plus a yard to play in as well. With the warm weather here (finally!) in Idaho, we can go and lay out on the lawn and enjoy it even more! While I am excited for Finch to have his own bedroom, I know it will be hard for me to get used to him sleeping in another room because he's been right beside my bed for the last two months and I still miss him even if he's just sleeping beside me. He'll probably still be in our room a lot though, he always manages to stay close to us no matter what :)

Motherhood is becoming my true joy in life apart from the gospel and being a wife. I never thought that I'd find something that is so fulfilling. Sure, there are days where I get nothing done but hold my child, my clothes are dirty, I smell, and my house looks like the set from the movie, "Tornado", but I wouldn't change it for anything when I see my sweet little guy smile at me or reach out for me. He is so worth it all and I just fall more and more in love with him with each day. I think one of my most favorite things is seeing how curious he is and how his personality is coming out more and more. There is such wonder in those eyes of his as he takes in the world around him and it makes me so happy to see such genuine interest in everything. Plus, he has such a sweet and calming spirit he brings into our home. Things are also getting easier as he is at the point now where he only wakes up once a night, maybe two depending on the day, and then just goes back to sleep and he is sleeping pretty well during the day as well. I love it because then I can get some things done and then we can focus on his routine which has proven to be super helpful!

Finch from a couple of days old to almost two months!!

Ben and I love being parents, and we are getting into the swing of things with sleep schedules, feeding routines, and how to leave the house in a somewhat timely manner. Finch is finally growing a bit and is going to be two months in a week and 8 weeks this Friday.That's crazy. Finally, his newborn clothes are starting to look snug and like they fit him, and his 0-3 month clothes are still huge, but not quite as huge as they were a couple of weeks ago. He is already so strong, and kicks all of the time and can hold his head up when we burp him. It's amazing to me to see his funny personality already. He smiles when I play with him and when I am the first person he sees after a nap. He cries when he doesn't get fed as much food as he wants the moment he wants it, he loves to fall asleep on Ben's chest (we call him the "glorified pillow"), and is fussy the moment he knows I am out of the room. His hair is starting to grow in and is a beautiful strawberry blonde and his eyes are a deep sea grey/blue. He and Zola are friends. Well, let me rephrase that: He loves Zola, and Zola shyly loves him back when she's not quite as jealous. She gets protective of him with guests, and he smiles whenever she is near and loves being close to her (he always kicked in my tummy when she would purr when I held her.). I think they will grow to be great friends and as time is proving it isn't too far off :)

School is going well for Ben and we are currently trying to find a second job for him, especially with summer coming, it would be great to start saving up money for his off track and when he goes back to school! He loves his job as a tutor and has such a gift for it. Last semester he decided to go with Special Education K-12 for his major and he seems to really enjoy his classes and the future such a career will hold. It is so wonderful to see that he is happy with what he is doing and that he comes home excited rather than stressed and frustrated. Seeing that satisfaction is worth it all to me :)

So that is our June so far. Next week we will get to see how much Finch has grown and then we will be busy busy with packing and getting ready to move!

Toodaloo friends!

Love,

Liz, Ben, Finch, and Zola :)

Memorial Day Weekend

It has been hard getting back into real life after such a wonderful Memorial Day weekend! For as long as I can remember, Memorial Day has been more than just a day to honor our veterans and servicemen (although I thank and appreciate each of you who give your time and lives to protect our country) but a day to honor and remember loved ones who have passed on, veteran or not. Memorial Day has been a day where we would go to Salt Lake City to see family, and then travel throughout the Utah valley to the various gravesites where loved ones from as far back as I can remember are buried. My mom and dad would buy lots of flowers and would lovingly clean up each gravestone they could and leave flowers for each of their loved ones and would then tell us stories about them. I remember Dad telling me about my great great grandmother who would come and take care of my grandmother as a little girl, my great great great grandparents who saved up money for their daughters to go to America from Norway even though they wouldn't be able to go along and how they never saw each other again, my great uncle and how he said this or my great great aunt and what she would do with my dad when he was a child. We would visit my mother's side of the family and celebrate my grandmother's birthday with a huge party. Each year we did this and it has only been in the past few years that we haven't been able to go as much which is hard because I always look forward to the drives to Heber City, Midway, Pleasant Grove, and Salt Lake City cemeteries and to the stories I would hear about them. Especially because I did family history research before Finch was born while I was at home, I felt the ties of family even stronger this year than ever before.

This year we went to stay with Ben's family in Provo and enjoyed a fun family dinner with his side, and then on Sunday we enjoyed the homecoming of one of my cousins who just got back from Chile. Yesterday, Ben and I went to Heber City and left flowers on the gravesite of my father's parents and then had to head home because we were running late and had a long drive ahead of us. I wish I could have done more and could have visited all of my loved ones. After getting lost and spending twenty minutes searching for their plot, I was grateful to see that my grandparents were doing well and that they had been visited by more loved ones apart from us. If only Jeanne knew there were spiders on her side of the gravestone. She hated bugs of any kind and would have had a fit. We tried to clean everything up and leave it beautiful and touched with love.

Ben and Finch were super tired after a day of driving up to Provo

Did I forget to mention that I was too? :)

Finch in his Sunday best :) He was a bit serious after a day of being held by family he didn't know.

Finch was charming his great grandmother on Ben's side of the family. She loved getting to hold him :)

This was at Doc and Jeanne Mahoney's gravestone (my grandparents on my dad's side)

Now we are back to the hubbub of being new parents and it is hard to think how quickly this last weekend went. I am grateful for the loved ones I got to see and so grateful to see how each of them welcomed my little Finch into the family with so much love. I can't even tell you how many people held him and wanted to be near him. He was so loved and it made my heart warm just to see how the ties of family extend so far. I know that loved ones beyond the veil were there and that many loved ones were there to welcome him when he was born that I couldn't see, and it's holidays like Memorial day that I appreciate the binding ties of family with the gospel. One of the happiest messages I think the LDS church teaches is that of eternal families. I look at my husband and my son, and then at my immediate and extended families and I see that eternal families can and do exist. I think of those who are gone in this world but who are flourishing in the next and I know that they are preparing it for us and are there to help us when we are in times of need.

I am grateful for family and so grateful for the love and friendship that ties us together forever.

Love,

Liz, Ben, Finch and Zola

A month on Friday...

Wow. Now I get it. All those years my mom would tell me to stop growing up and I'd just roll my eyes and try harder to be an adult make sense to me now. As I look at my little boy who is not quite as little as he was a month ago, and as I try to think of where the time has gone, I am drawing a blank. It could be all of that sleep deprivation wiping my short term memory, but I just don't get it. How can time fly so quickly? The nine-ten months of carrying him inside me took forever, but already he will be four weeks old the day after tomorrow. It's not fair.

Looking back on the past month I can't believe the journey we've been on and I am so glad he is a part of my life story now. I loved getting to celebrate Mother's Day as a new mother, and getting to proudly tell people who ask us how old he is when we go out for groceries or for errands. I love this little boy, and with every night that I have to wake up in zombie mode to nurse him, or to comfort him when he's fussy, I wake up loving him more and more. I just can't even begin to describe the love I feel for him that grows each day. And it gets worse everyday to the point that I know I will never get over this love I have for him. And he's growing up already and needs to stop. When he's 35 years old I won't be able to give him hundreds of kisses a day or hold him close to me and I don't want those moments to stop! (Hopefully he'll have kids of his own by then and I can just kiss them ;) ).

Such is the dilemma for every mother I guess. Being at home with him has been a true joy and I thank God each day that I am able to be home with Finch because Ben is able to work the job he does. We are so blessed and I am so grateful for the hours I get to spend with my little one. Being a mommy rocks and I would never change it :)

Love, Liz, Ben, Finch, and Zola :)

Has It Been Two Weeks Already??

Two weeks ago, I was sitting in the hospital as they hooked me up to a Pitocin drip and waiting for my little man to make his arrival. I can't believe it's already been two weeks. In some ways, it feels like he was just born yesterday, and in other ways, it feels as if he has always been with us and that we've always been parents. I love it. I cannot say enough how much I love being a mama. Loving and caring for Finch is like breathing for me and even though I do get tired and overwhelmed at moments, that is life, and I am just so amazed by this incredible little boy and the joy he brings to Ben and I.

His two week check up went great and while he is needing to put on some fat and still has a tiny bit of jaundice, he is doing great. He is such a good baby. People don't believe it when I tell them that he only wakes up about twice a night (maybe three times but that's not as common) and once he's fed and diapered goes right back to sleep and hardly cries. He sleeps like an angel and loves to be snuggled. He is so good, and I feel so blessed.

In the past two weeks I have learned:

1. Finch loves breastfeeding and tolerates the bottle if I have to pump, we had to supplement with formula about three times total while I waited for my milk supply to come in and he doesn't enjoy it at all.
2. He has an incredibly strong suck. Ouch, ouch, ouch.
3. When he gets too hungry, he gets frustrated and spends a lot longer trying to latch. Poor guy, he gets flustered just like his mama when he's upset.
4. Finch hates baths. Honestly, they are kind of sucky until you get to be immersed in the warm water. I'm working on finding a good way to do that while I am still healing up from delivery.

5. Finch can pee anytime, anywhere, and has the power to turn it on and off to his advantage. It is like a water gun, and he is dangerous.
6. I can guarantee that 95% of the time he will pee after I have finished cleaning him up while diapering him. It rarely makes it into the new diaper, but onto the bed, my shirt, Ben, or Finch's little face. Poor guy...poor us.
7. Finch is most alert after a feeding and will get very mature and thoughtful expressions like he is pondering eternity. If only I could hear his thoughts, it is amazing to see the wheels turning behind his eyes :)

8. Kangaroo care rocks and Finch loves it. He loves being held and snuggled and if I hold him, he practically stops crying, whimpering, or being restless and just relaxes.
9.He loves Enya and sleeps through anything if she is playing because I listened to her when I was pregnant with him.
10. I am a Child of God and Away in a Manger are his favorite primary songs.
11. His hands must always be by his face. Don't ask questions, just let him do it.
12. He adores his daddy to no end. He may look like me, but he is definitely his father's son.
13. Just being close to us is all he really needs to be content and happy. He has never been away from us since being born. Apart from a two hour gap when Ben and I ran some errands and Grandma Mary watched him, he has always been close by. I can't stand being away from him.
14. We've only really tried it a couple of times because he is still so small, but he loves babywearing.
15. He is super strong.  His neck muscles are super strong and he almost rolled over the other day. I am in for it once he learns how to use his body more.
16. Already, he smiles and giggles in his sleep. He also makes the Zoolander face with the kissy/pursed lips and the furrowed brow. He is so expressive. I love it!

17. His favorite place to be is snuggled into my chest so he can sleep to the beat of my heart. (rather poetic, isn't it? ;) )
18. He fits nothing. All of his newborn clothes look like they belong on a giant baby, and it is so darling to see how little he is.

19. He is the most brave and resilient baby I have ever met. He is such a trooper and never ceases to amaze me with his incredible strength. During labor, during his blood draws, his circumcision, and more blood draws, he hardly cried and was just the sweetest little guy.
20. I am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with this little boy and I am so grateful I get to be his mama :)
21. He squeaks in his sleep, moans with joy when he gets his b-juice (our nickname for breastmilk), and chirps like a little baby bird when he is talking to us. Let's just say his entire name: Callum means dove/hope, and Finchley pretty much means bird all around.

Love,

Liz, Ben, Finch, and Zola :)

Postpartum Beauty

Okay, this blog entry has been one that I've been thinking about for while and before I even knew what I would look/feel like postpartum. For those of you who know me very well: I have an addiction to tabloid/celebrity magazines. I love People Magazine and Celebrity.Yahoo.com. I check them almost everyday and I love reading about the fashion and the baby articles and I adore seeing the pictures of the babies that beautiful people make and the weird celebrity names they come up with.

I'm still a good person, despite this slightly embarrassing and sad flaw that I carry around. Someday I will quit, but I'm just not strong enough to now, but I can quit anytime ;).

While I was reading a few different articles about celebrity moms having babies, I made the mistake of reading the comment section below. Now, ladies, why do we feel the need to bash any woman for looking the way she does after having a baby? Whether she struggles for a while to lose the weight and never quite looks the same, or whether she slims down overnight and looks flawless after baby or somewhere inbetween, WHY IS IT A COMPETITION OR SOMETHING THAT HAS TO BE JUSTIFIED TO PEOPLE COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THE SITUATION HOW THAT PROCESS WORKED FOR YOU?????

We spout that every person is beautiful and that curves are lovely, and then when we see a woman who is a little rounder and just looked like she had a baby (which she is supposed to btw right after literally having a baby because SHE JUST HAD A BABY) we get this huge surge of fear to look like her and then bash her slightly for not trying hard enough to lose the weight mentally and secretly pray and wish we don't want to look like that, but then we open our mouths and say, "oh she's so beautiful, the miracle of life, yadda yadda yadda" and get mad at people for fat shaming her when we have just done a smaller version of it ourselves in our heads.

Then we have the other side of the coin and this is what I saw specifically with the celebrity magazines: She just had a baby and she looks great. Six weeks have passed and she looks like a friggin super model again and every woman feels the need to rip her to shreds because it isn't right for her to look like that, and of course it had to be plastic surgery, "breastfeeding doesn't do that" or "she has a nanny, if she didn't have a nanny, she'd still look like the beluga whale I did at that point" etc. etc.

It's cruel folks. And I hate to see and feel the pressure we ladies do feel while pregnant and after to not gain too much weight or be afraid that we're not gaining enough. Once baby is out, what if I don't lose the weight? Will I ever fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again? Who cares! You just made a baby, you should be applauded, not criticized!

Specifically there was an article I read about Chris Hemsworth's wife, Elsa Pataky (lucky girl!). She just had twin boys, and two weeks after having them was caught on camera wearing shorts and a poofy peasant top that was perfect to cover any loose skin she may have had. It was a lovely outfit, it wasn't flashy, and she looked incredible. The first thing I thought was, "She is married to Thor and is so lucky. Those babies are going to be gorgeous like their dad and uncle. Wow, she looks great, what a great shirt to wear out during her transitional postpartum time." That's what I thought, and then I read the comments and they were terrible. They were filled with negative comments about how no woman looks that way and how dare she make other women feel bad by looking so good, it had to be fake, nobody looks that good after having a baby, let alone twins.

It's comments like that that make women feel bad. I have seen women who have children and they never look like they did before having children, but I have seen women who look like they never had a baby before and were back to pre-pregnancy weight and just happened to have a baby. And you know what? They were all beautiful because they were all different. My mother went back to her original size before pregnancy with every child and it wasn't because she cheated or because she sold her soul to the devil and got her wish to be beautiful. She just lived her life and did what she had done all her life. Ate food and took care of her family. There are many women who do that and get different results, but they owe all of us nothing for it whether they struggle with weight or not.

We need to remove the competition. Every woman has a different body. You can't compare an apple shaped body to a pear shaped body and expect the same results. Some women are tall and some are short and some inbetween. Some have short torsos and long legs, and some have long torsos and short legs, and every single body type will be different in how they manifest pregnancy, and will be different in how they manifest postpartum recovery. Genetics will play a huge role as well. Some woman will have genes that help them lose weight quickly while others will have to work for every pound they lose. Why should a woman (or man, but for the sake of postpartum discussion, woman) have to apologize for what she can't control? Why should she be made to feel bad about her body type when it is something completely out of her hands?

I spent my entire life hoping to have an athletic figure, with smaller hips, little waist, and no curve. Guess what? I went through puberty at a young age and have had hips since I was 9 years old. I have a small waist, but I have hips and will always always have hips, no matter how hard I try to make them smaller. I will never be an Audrey Hepburn, but definitely can pull off the Marilyn Monroe and I shouldn't have to apologize for that or feel bad, and those who have the Audrey shouldn't have to apologize or feel bad for having what they have.

The media does a great job in making people feel bad by doing terrible comparisons and creating an expectation of beauty totally unfair to the average woman. They do it to us, and they do it to celebrities. Why do you think there are so many eating disorders in Hollywood? Have you seen what actresses look like now compared to twenty years ago? Ten years ago?

A while ago I saw an article comparing Kim Kardashian and Duchess Catherine Middleton during their pregnancies and I was so mad when I read it because it was so unfair to them, but also so unfair to any girl reading it and seeing the pictures. They show a picture of Kim Kardashian in a dress with shoes that look too tight because her feet are swollen from being pregnant, and the dress is hugging her baby belly and the caption says, "Out of Control: Kim can't stop eating, Kanye is worried for her health". Really? Then they show a picture of Kate Middleton and say, "How Kate is staying great: Tips from Royalty on how to stay fit during pregnancy."

These pictures are put next to each other and I couldn't help but laugh. Kim Kardashian is 5' 2'' and has a short torso and a very curvaceous frame and Kate Middleton who was a model before marrying Prince William is 5'10'' and very tall and lean, with long legs and a long torso as well. Of course they are going to look different and of course they are going to have a huge disparity in how they present pregnancy!!! But this article is putting them on the same plane. Automatically any woman who reads this is going to be terrified to look like Kim, and is going to strive to do the impossible and look like Kate. It's completely obtuse and totally wrong, but the media doesn't care, and women don't always realize that is what is happening. So then, we have our friends and we see them having babies and we worry about whether we will be a Kim or a Kate and really we should just realize that we are going to be ourselves and regardless of whether we have a long torso or a short torso, we are short or tall, wide or narrow, slender, or curvaceous, we are beautiful and will be different than anyone else and that in and of itself should be even more beautiful.

We should be celebrating our differences and uplifting those around us because of theirs rather than competing to see who can fit their pre-pregnancy jeans the fastest or look the best before the rest.
I have a few friends who are pregnant and we were pregnant at the same time and we each showed our pregnancies so differently and we were each beautiful. I try really hard never to compare with other women about figures because I used to do it all of the time.

When I was in high school, I dealt with anorexia for a while. I don't share that lightly with anyone who is reading this and someday I will probably share more, but I feel it is important to talk about the dangers of comparison. I hated my figure, and I hated my curves and I starved myself daily to get rid of them and I almost did. But even at my very thinnest, I never lost my hips and I still had curves. My body was my body and it was beautiful and I never saw that. I only thought about and focused on the mean comments I received as a young girl when I started puberty earlier and gained weight. I looked chubby for a while my hormones changed my body, and before my growth spurt gave me height that evened out my frame and I was teased relentlessly about it. I was the chubby friend, the fat geek, the 292 lb. girl who was too big to jump on the trampoline with others, etc. (Yes, those were all said to me, and yes I still remember when they were said and how they made me feel.) Once I knew how to lose weight, I went crazy with it and lost as much as I could and I don't think anyone even realized the impact their words had on me. I don't write this to make anyone feel bad and I don't write it to bash, but the reality is that I was deeply affected by those comments and expectations and I learned that I had to compare myself to the thinner and more beautiful girls to feel valued and I tried hard for a very long time to be like them to feel beautiful. Not any more.

It took years of recovery and daily maintenance, and a wonderfully sweet and loving husband who thinks I am a beautiful and worthwhile queen, and a lot of lessons in learning to love myself that I learned the poisonous slope of comparison.

I used to fear the possibility of having children and even at one point swore off ever having children (during my anorexic phase) because I was afraid of what it would do to my body. I have to admit, while I was pregnant with Finch I felt more beautiful than I ever have before, and now that I have had him and I look at how beautiful he is and what an incredible miracle he is, I can't help but love my body for what it was able to do to bring this little one into my life.

My body looks different; I have stretch marks from before getting pregnant, and some from my pregnancy. My chest looks different and after I breastfeed, they will never look like they did before getting married or before getting pregnant. My hips are wider, and I wear bigger jean sizes as a result to accommodate my different proportions. My body has changed, but for the better, and it is beautiful. I look at how it has changed and I love it for what it has given me. Right after having Finch my tummy was swollen, and loose. It is tightening each day, but it isn't toned, and my stretch marks are there for anyone to see. But I am proud of my body and whether people look at me and say, "oh you have a ways to go before you look like you used to" or if they say, "you look incredible, I can't believe you just had a baby, what is your secret?" I don't care. I will not apologize for looking the way I do, and I will never apologize for having the body I do. It is the body God gave me to fulfill my mission here on Earth and was tailored and designed for me and only me. There is nobody else who has my body, and that in and of itself should be considered so beautiful.

The picture on the left was taken the day before going to the hospital to have Finch, and the picture on the right was the day after having Finch.

So ladies, whether you have children, are going to have children, or don't have them yet: Your body is beautiful, and if you take a year to lose the baby weight, or a week, or a month, six months, or if you never quite lose it all, you are beautiful.

We should be congratulating and uplifting any woman who is being herself and she should be seen as the beautiful queen she is for doing what she has done. We are all beautiful and we should never feel the pressure to compare ourselves to others when we are all different types of fruit. An apple can never be an orange, and a banana can never be a grape, but they are all delicious and all have value on their own. We are the same. Let's work together to uplift and defend women, not fearing the results of others or being so green with jealousy towards others that we tear down rather than build up. We are better than that.

Thanks for reading :)